The End of a Season

Happy New Year, everyone! It’s been COLD both in Korea and in New Jersey - I hope you are all staying warm, wherever you are reading this in the world~ Here is my final blog post about my year in Korea!

Thoroughly enjoyed this meal in 전주 (Jeonju)

Making a Decision

At the end of my previous blog post, I mentioned that I soon had to decide whether or not I would renew my stay in Korea with Fulbright for another year. I had been thinking about this decision for a while, but I didn’t seriously start praying about it and bringing it before the Lord until the end of the summer. In my praying and seeking, I had hoped that I would get a clear answer from God and at times felt frustrated because I felt like I wasn’t getting that - in the beginning of my discernment, God had been giving me specific words/themes, but none of those felt like they were pointing me to a clear decision as to whether to stay in Korea or return to the States. I remember thinking, “God, if you just TELL ME what You want me to do, I will do it. But please TELL ME” LOL.

Me asking God to tell me what to do

I also mentioned in my previous blog post that I joined a small group through the church I attend in Seoul. The small group met weekly on Zoom and together we completed a discipleship course over the course of three months. The course covered a lot of the foundations of the faith and especially focused on the importance of seeing where God is working around you and joining Him in that work. As I was continuing in the discipleship course and getting more involved at church with serving, I had thought about the idea of seeing where God is at work and started to think that perhaps that was an indication to stay in Korea to continue serving Him there - perhaps I was just getting started with what God wanted me to do in Korea, I thought. As the deadline for the Fulbright renewal application drew nearer, I still hadn’t felt 100% certain about a decision but was leaning towards reapplying, especially as I hadn’t felt a particular calling towards returning home at that point.

The application was due on October 31, and by October 29, I had 90% of my application done - all I had to do was brush up my resume, which I was planning to do on October 30 to submit everything in time before the deadline. But on the evening of the 29th, I got a call from my sister in which I learned that my dog had recently gotten diagnosed with a malignant tumor. I was obviously sad, but when my sister asked if that would change my mind about renewing, I told her that, as sad as I was about our dog, I would probably still reapply for another year. But when I woke up the next morning, I felt a strong lack of peace that persisted as I was getting ready for school. I ended up having an anxiety attack shortly after arriving at school, after which I knew that I needed to reevaluate my decision when I went home later that day.

After school, I spent the rest of the day fasting and praying, and as I went through my journal entries from the past few months, I was reminded of how God had kept speaking to me about “stewardship” and “stability” early on in my discernment (looking back, I had even mentioned that these stood out to me in my previous blog post). At the time, these words didn’t give me a clear direction in my decision-making, but that night, they started to make sense. A realization I had during my time in Korea was that I wanted to venture into a different direction career-wise, so if I were to spend another full year doing the exact same thing I had done this year when I wanted to learn how to serve God differently, that wouldn’t necessarily be the best practice of stewardship. As for “stability,” I realized that going home would be the scarier decision because I had no plan for what I would do back in the States, and as I reflected on this point, I saw that God was challenging me to find my stability not in my career/job security but in Him. And as I thought about my church in Korea, I realized that it would be harder to get more involved than I currently was, as I was not able to arrive to church earlier or stay for long after service - I essentially lacked the flexibility of time that would allow me to invest more in my church because of my transportation situation (living in the boonies), and this wouldn’t be any different next year since I likely would have stayed at the same placement. Looking in my journal, I was also reminded of a word that was spoken by someone in my small group, which my pastor also expanded on - of how important it is to build in grace and space for growth in our hearing from the Lord, because we may not always hear Him with 100% accuracy the first time. Crazy enough, this word was spoken the same night I got the call from my sister, just a few hours prior. So towards the end of that evening of fasting and prayer, I decided that I would not reapply with Fulbright and that I would return home to the States instead.

I will miss this view :'(

While my dog’s health was ultimately not the reason I changed my decision (although I do love him), it was the start of what led me to reevaluate my decision. And as soon as I made my decision to go home, I felt a clear sense of peace that had been lacking earlier that day and even throughout my discernment process. After making my decision, I realized too that, had all of this taken place even two days later, it would have been too late for me to change my decision about renewing (the renewal application was binding, meaning that you would be required to accept the position if you applied and were selected). I saw the Lord’s gracious redirection in bringing me to this decision before it was too late and so, while I had no idea of what I would be doing upon my return to the States, I felt a particular peace that this was the decision that God had for me, even if I didn’t realize it until the very last minute.

I will miss these kids :'(

While I felt peace in making this decision, I also had to grieve the fact that I was leaving Korea soon. I think the grief hit me harder because I had changed my decision so suddenly. October 31 is when I started to look at what was around me with sadness because I became all too aware that I would be saying goodbye soon. I grieved the fact that I would be saying goodbye to my students, coworkers, and community and the fact that this season of my life would be ending soon. But with this grief also came deep gratitude, that God gave me such a special and beautiful season of my life that was worth grieving for its end. This ultimately helped me to cherish the remaining time I spent at school and in my community in November and December. As I got closer to finishing the discipleship course with my small group, I started to understand that God was inviting me to recognize how He was moving back at home and that it was important for me to start praying about what needs He would want me to help fill (career-wise, in church, etc.) upon my return.

A Resilient Nation

One of the many things I was most excited about in coming to Korea was the opportunity to learn more about Korean history. I had never been properly taught Korean history in school, and the limited knowledge I had of Korean history prior to this past year came out of my own seeking of information. In November, I visited 목포 (Mokpo), a port city in 전라남도 (Jeollanam-do). In 목포, our Fulbright Fellowship & Bible Study group visited a couple of local museums in which I learned that the city was a key base for Japan during the Japanese colonization of Korea (1910-1945). The museum exhibits showed how Koreans in 목포 actively resisted colonization and how even the local churches in the city championed the fight for freedom. My friend Rachel teaches at an all-girls Christian school in 목포 that was very active in the fight for freedom during this period; her school was mentioned several times in the museums, which was really neat to see. As we were walking along the streets of Old Mokpo, we had at one point passed by an old Japanese church, which was living proof of the Japanese influence that remained in certain places within the city. The following weekend, I went on a trip to 천안 (Cheonan), a city in 충청남도 (Chungcheongnam-do) to spend time with two of my friends. There we visited the 독립기념관 (Independence Hall of Korea), which also focuses on the Korean independence movement from the Japanese colonial period. The museum is literally a campus with several buildings, with each building focusing on a different era of the fight for independence. It was eye-opening to see pictures, videos, and objects from this time period, which really wasn’t all that long ago.

Pictures taken at the 독립기념관 (Independence Hall of Korea)

The weekend after 천안, I took a day trip to 광주 (Gwangju), a very historically significant city in Korea’s fight for democracy. 광주 also has a lot of Christian influence as it was a key site for Christian missionaries. I visited the 유진벨선교기념관 (Eugene Bell Memorial Hall) and the 오방최흥종기념관 (Obang Choi Heung-jong Memorial Hall), both dedicated to individuals who devoted themselves to missionary work in 광주. The Eugene Bell Memorial Hall also featured an exhibit highlighting other missionaries in 양림동 (Yangnim-dong), the neighborhood in 광주 in which they were most active. As I walked through the exhibit, I found myself feeling moved, grateful for the service and dedication of these missionaries and blessed that I was able to see the fruit of their labor many years later. 광주, of course, is also well known for the Gwangju Uprising, a mass protest against the military government at the time. I visited the 전일빌딩245 (Jeonil Building 245) which highlights this moment in history, where I saw exhibits that show how courageously Koreans fought for their democracy. On the last day of November, a few Fulbright friends and I went on a DMZ tour (one of my bucket list activities before leaving Korea!) and got VERY close to the North Korean border. It was surreal to see North Korea (mostly just farmland) from the window of the 도라전망대 (Dora Observatory) and to see road signs pointing to North Korean cities like 평양 (Pyongyang) and 개성 (Kaesong).

At the 유진벨선교기념관 (Eugene Bell Memorial Hall) and me just chillin with the guys during the DMZ tour

December was a particularly difficult month for Korea, with political tensions heightened in the wake of the emergency martial law declaration (and subsequent lifting) and mourning the losses from the Jeju Air crash at Muan International Airport. It was surreal being in Korea especially in the wake of the martial law declaration and lifting, as this wasn’t just a news story that I was reading about from the other side of the world but rather was a lived experience that elicited strong emotions from many people around me, from coworkers to relatives. I found myself being particularly fascinated by how quickly many people mobilized to participate in protests - signs were made immediately, hand warmers were being distributed to those willing to brave the cold weather, and people were collectively singing along to upbeat songs like “APT” in front of the National Assembly Building, all for the sake of protecting their democracy. Seeing this kind of response reminded me of all of the historical sites I had visited in the weeks prior to these events, as I could see the same resilience from previous generations shine through in the December crowds, bearing proof that the resilience of the Korean people has endured over time.

One of the most valuable things I learned from my church in Korea is the importance of praying for the nations. As I’ve learned more about Korea’s history and have learned to pray for this nation, I can see that its resilience bears witness to God’s continued faithfulness and heart towards Korea. And so, while there may seem to be some uncertainty now at least about Korea’s immediate future, I take comfort in knowing that, just as God has brought this nation through decades of colonialism and dictatorship, He will carry this nation through the current political tensions - and I trust that He will mobilize the Church in Korea during these times, just as He did in the past, that the Church will actively pursue justice as well as be a source of hope for the Korean people. And although I will no longer be physically present in Korea, I will continue to pray for Korea and look forward to seeing how the Lord will continue to move in this nation.

At 남이섬 (Nami Island)

Other Highlights

Here are highlights of other events from the past few months! Feel free to reach out if you are curious about any of them~

• Getting a photoshoot done in Seoul!

• Making 바람떡 (baramtteok, or wind rice cake)

• Making my own perfume!

• Hanging out with Stuti (my first Fulbright friend!) in 대전 (Daejeon) and Sam (one of my first friends from my home church!) in 서울 (Seoul)

• School trip to 제주도 (Jeju Island)

• Staying at a 한옥펜션 (hanok pension)

• Finally going to a Costco in Korea! (thank you 수진)

• Finally going to a 목욕탕/찜질방 (bathhouse/sauna) in Korea (thank you 수진 part 2)

• Running my second 10K with friends!

• Getting one of my writing pieces published in the Fulbright Infusion magazine

• Trying home-brewed 막걸리 (makgeolli ) and having 치맥 (fried chicken and beer)

Me and Stuti in 대전! And Sam in the boonies~

Jeju tangerines!! And the 한옥 (hanok) I stayed at with the Fellowship & Bible Study group during our fall trip :)

I returned to the States about a week ago, still uncertain of what’s next but holding onto an important point that was preached during my last church service in Seoul - that “a new season will require a new faith for new endeavors.” Preaching on Joshua 3:1-17, the pastor illustrated the difference between the parting of the Red Sea and the parting of the Jordan River - with the former, God parted the Red Sea before the Israelites went into the water, but with the latter, God had the Israelites first step into the Jordan before He parted it. In other words, the Israelites had to step into the Jordan without knowing for sure whether God would actually part the water for them. Sometimes God will invite us to take steps of faith before seeing what He is doing and without knowing what will happen next; sometimes the road won’t open until we take a step. In my uncertainty about what’s next, knowing the character of God - to be kind, to be for me, to be trustworthy and unchanging - is what I hope will encourage me to trust Him as I continue to take steps of faith into this new season. Please pray for me to grow deeper in my trust of God in His plans and timing!

As I mentioned at the start of this post, this is my final blog post about my journey in Korea. Thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout this journey! Writing these blog posts really challenged me to reflect on and articulate the ways that God met me through this experience, and it was scary but also rewarding to share it with an audience. As always, feel free to reach out if there’s any questions you have or anything you want to share in response to my post, including any prayer requests. Thank you again and God bless!

Love, Jen