How I Decided to Apply For Fulbright

Hi and welcome to my blog! To be honest, that sentence felt awkward to type LOL. I have long been more comfortable with being an audience member rather than the one on the stage, listening to others’ stories rather than being the storyteller. Sharing about myself with others isn't something that comes naturally for me, and it's a muscle that the Lord has constantly challenged me to exercise ever since I came to faith. But the Lord has been so generous in giving me this opportunity to live in Korea for a year. And I want to give what He has given me back to Him, to faithfully bear witness about Him throughout this journey. So that's what led me to create this blog, to not only stay connected with my community at home but to also share testimonies of how God moves in my life and around me during this year that I'll be living in Korea.

How I feel about starting this blog but maybe a bit less nervous than Spongebob

As I mentioned in the “About Me” section of my blog (please read that if you haven’t already!), I will be participating in the Fulbright U.S. Student Program as an English Teaching Assistant (ETA) in South Korea for a year, from January-December 2024. Although January is still a few months away, I wanted to share about how I even ended up applying for this program, because that in itself was a journey with a lot of testimonies through which the Lord challenged my own lack of faith and the narratives I was believing about Him. This is a bit of a long post, but I wanted to share this so that you can understand how I got to this point and how God has been so responsive and generous throughout this experience.

Although I had known that teaching English abroad was an opportunity I could pursue, I never really had much interest in it, as I felt comfortable being where I was in NJ. I think the first time I had even considered teaching English in Korea was in 2019, but it was a thought I mostly brushed off for seeming impractical as I was just about to start my full-time teaching career that fall. However, this idea of teaching English in Korea kept coming back to me, even after I kept trying to let go of it. Teaching in a district where I was one of the only Asian Americans sometimes led to feelings of frustration, although I was able to channel this into something productive by becoming involved in our district’s Diversity Committee. Through my involvement in this committee, I was able to bring more awareness of Asian/Asian American perspectives and cultures, but I knew that my own perspective was somewhat limited, especially since I had never even been to Asia.

My efforts to promote Asian American perspectives at school emerged through my own personal journey of learning to appreciate and embrace my Korean heritage, which I had largely distanced myself from for much of my life up until that point. This journey involved me relearning Korean, a language that for so long brought about feelings of embarrassment and shame for my lack of fluency, that brought about the belief that I would never be “Korean enough.” Relearning Korean as an adult was so different from when I was forced to go to Korean school as a child - I was finally able to appreciate the beauty of language learning, the complexity of the rich, nuanced language that my ancestors spoke. My own personal experience of relearning Korean as an adult then led to my interest in teaching ESL (I had been a special education teacher at that point) so that I could help students learn English with the kind of empowering, healing experience that I had in relearning Korean. So I completed a virtual accelerated program through my college and got my ESL certification within a year. As I was pursuing this certification, I kept thinking about how teaching English abroad would be a valuable professional and personal opportunity before I teach English in the States. Teaching English in Korea, specifically, would allow me to learn more about Korean culture and history that I could bring back to inform the U.S. school community upon my return. It would also be a meaningful chapter in the journey of reclaiming my heritage.

Below is a timeline I pieced together from journal entries I had written throughout this period of discernment about whether to apply for Fulbright. I’m so grateful to have written these journal entries because they really captured the insecurities, fears, dreams, and hopes I had about pursuing this opportunity, as well as how the Lord was speaking to me throughout all of it.

July 2021: I thought again about teaching English in Korea but questioned my motives (“Do I want to teach in Korea for selfish reasons or for godly reasons?”).

November 14, 2021: I looked into the Fulbright program specifically and realized that this interest was only growing. I knew I would have to really bring this before God.

November 15-19, 2021: I fasted to pray about whether or not to apply for Fulbright after reading 1 Chronicles 21:26, which reminded me of God's faithfulness in being responsive to our calls to Him. I had previously learned about fasting as a spiritual discipline that encourages a greater dependence on God. Having done it in the past, I wanted to practice fasting again to be completely open and receptive to however the Lord might speak to me during this time of discernment.

• PODCAST During this fast, I listened to a podcast episode on discernment/decision making, which said 2 things:

1. My decision should help me become more fully myself in God’s presence

2. My decision should be made not out of fear but out of love

• VERSE The Verse of the Day on the Bible app on November 15 was Isaiah 6:8: "And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?' Then I said, 'Here I am! Send me.'"

• FEARS The Lord revealed to me that I had a lot of fears about applying for Fulbright. Knowing that it is a selective program, I had fears of rejection, embarrassment, and discouragement. Having a friend who had done the Fulbright program in a different country a few years prior, I also found myself comparing myself with her (“If I don’t get into this program, that obviously means I’m not as good as she is”). Also, if I were to do this program, I knew I would have to leave my current teaching job, which I had been at for several years at that point - this led to fears of losing financial stability (as I wouldn’t be earning as much in this program compared to what I had been earning) and the benefits I had. On another note, having never been to Korea before, I was very aware of the possibility that I held a romanticized version of Korea in my mind, which makes sense given that much of my frame of reference was kdramas LOL. Recognizing this, I had a fear of disillusionment and feared the challenges I would face if I were to live in Korea.

This'll be me when I see that life in Korea isn't like the kdramas </33

(this is also a sign for you to watch Business Proposal if you haven't already)

• HOPE At the same time, God revealed to me the hope and excitement that I felt about the possibility of living and teaching in Korea for a year. Teaching English in Korea would be a special means through which I could help equip and empower the next generation. It would hopefully become a clarifying time during which I could emerge with a greater understanding as to the passions and skills that the Lord would want me to invest in upon my return to the States. Knowing that Fulbright tends to place ETAs in more underserved areas rather than in metropolitan cities like Seoul, I saw an opportunity to immerse myself in a local Korean community. I also hoped to learn more about my family history, to hear stories about my ancestors. I dreamed that Korean would become a more familiar tongue and that specific cultural nuances would become more natural to me, that I would learn to fully embrace my cultural identity as a Korean American in light of my greater identity as a daughter of God. And of course I definitely thought about how fun it would be to explore food, music, shopping, nature, etc. in Korea hehe.

• SUITCASE During this week of fasting, a couple of other things happened that I believe the Lord spoke to me through. The first is when I was listening to a podcast - I was listening to an episode and originally had another episode queued up to listen to next, but for whatever reason (the Lord!!), it played a completely different episode instead. Wanting to be open to however God spoke to me throughout this fast, I decided to keep listening to this episode. Each episode usually has a little “commercial break” where they give a shout out to a sponsor for the episode, and the sponsor for this episode happened to be a suitcase company for traveling. (Iiiiinteresting, I thought).

• SEOLLEONGTANG/설렁탕 After that, I listened to an entirely different podcast which had an episode of an interview with someone who was currently doing the Fulbright ETA program in Korea. At one point she mentioned seolleongtang/설렁탕 (ox bone soup), which is one of my favorite soups (would highly recommend it if you've never tried it!). The ETA brought up seolleongtang/설렁탕 as an example of a Korean food that was created out of resourcefulness. Anyway, later that night before I went to sleep, I noticed that my mom left a big pot to cook on the stove. I didn’t think much of it right away, but then as I was going to sleep I wondered if it was seolleongtang/설렁탕. Turns out, it was! We had it for dinner that next day, and I thought about whether this was a coincidence or from the Lord. Something to note about seolleongtang/설렁탕 is that it takes a long time to make. You have to boil the ox bone for hours and hours, allowing the broth to simmer in order for it to become milky. As I thought about it, I realized that God was speaking to me about how good things take time, patience, and preparation - like the seolleongtang/설렁탕 and this possibility of teaching English in Korea.

Make sure to add lots of salt to add flavor to your seolleongtang/설렁탕!!

• HESITATION But again, I had a lot of hesitations due to my doubts and insecurities. I had looked up previous ETAs and found myself comparing myself with their accomplishments and felt so underqualified (a lot of them had won other fellowships in the past, had extensive study abroad experience, etc.). But in spending time in the Word, I was reminded of that classic saying of how “God does not call the equipped, He equips the called.” He reminded me that what’s more important than possessing any particular skills, experience, or achievements is that I am aware and available to say yes to Him wherever He may invite me to go.

November 23, 2021: I got an email from my college about a general info session about Fulbright (most Fulbright applicants apply through their university), literally the week after I fasted. I took that as another indication that the Lord was encouraging me to consider applying.

February 2022: Taking all of my reflections in November and how the Lord spoke to me, especially during my fasting, I knew I would probably end up applying, but February 2022 is when I officially made the decision to do so once the application cycle opened in the spring. In the past, I had believed that if it was God’s will for me to do something, that He would present the opportunity before me. But through this time of fasting and praying, I realized that yes, God does sometimes work in that way, but there are also times when He invites us to take steps of faith and see what He does from there, trusting Him whether He decides to open or close doors.

I know this was a long post, but I wanted to do justice in sharing about God’s faithfulness to me in this whole experience over the past couple of years. In my next post I will share more about the actual application experience in itself, which was full of reflections, connections, reconnections, and challenges along the way. I’ll also share about how I decided to accept the grant and more of how God has spoken to me in this journey!! I pray that this first post blesses you and that maybe it encourages you to think about how the Lord may be speaking to you about something in your life! Please feel free to reach out if you’d like to share any thoughts on this blog post~ And please keep me in prayer that I would really give this year in Korea to the Lord, because it’s through Him that I even have this opportunity.

God bless!

Jen