Why I Thought I Wouldn't Be Able to Do Fulbright

Hello everyone! I can’t believe it’s already the end of November… I haven’t even started my grant yet but I am already realizing that updating this blog once a month will be quite the commitment LOL. If you’ve been wondering whether I would post another blog post before leaving for Korea, here it is! (And if I am ambitious enough, I will try to post at least one more blog post before I actually leave for Korea~) Thank you for your patience and I pray that you are blessed by reading this post!

When I had posted my first blog post, I had envisioned that my second blog post (AKA what you’re reading right now) would focus on my application journey, as that was a months-long process that ultimately defined much of my spring and summer in 2022. But as I got closer to picking up the metaphorical pen, I felt led instead to focus this post on sharing a couple of obstacles I faced, one during the application process and another after I accepted my grant offer. These are obstacles that led me to genuinely doubt that I would be able to even embark on this grant, and they are obstacles that God worked through in the ways only He can. They now serve as powerful testimonies in my life that I am honored to share with you today!

Wise words from this stranger

Obstacle 1: Unknowingly a Dual Citizen

The application process for Fulbright was quite intensive, as I had to prepare two written statements and obtain multiple recommendations, among other things. Earlier in the spring of 2022, I was reading the stipulations for the Fulbright Korea program when I came across information regarding “Visa Requirements/Dual Nationality.” This section specifically stated that nationals/citizens of Korea were ineligible to accept this grant award and that being a Korean national, even a dual national, was a major grounds of disqualification. Reading this, I breathed a sigh of relief, as I was born in the U.S. and had never even been to Korea before. But then the section continued: “Individuals of Korean heritage may have dual U.S.-ROK nationality unbeknownst to them or their family” and listed circumstances in which people would be considered Korean nationals by the Korean government. One of those circumstances was: “An individual whose father was still a Korean national at the time of the individual’s birth (if born before or on June 13, 1998).” My relief slowly turned into panic as I realized the possibility that I fell under this circumstance, which was confirmed when I found my dad’s citizenship paperwork. I was born in February 1996, but my dad didn’t become a U.S. citizen until May 1996. However, I had done my own research online and came across a couple of sources that stated that, if not acted upon, a female who was born into dual American/Korean citizenship (like myself) would automatically lose it upon turning 22. Reading these sources led me to believe that I had lost this dual citizenship and that therefore I had no reason to worry that I would be ineligible for Fulbright.

The Fulbright Korea program stated that applicants who were considered dual citizens had to contact the nearest Korean Consulate to learn how to file for renunciation, AKA loss of Korean nationality, otherwise there was a risk of not being able to get a visa for the grant. Believing I was in the clear, I figured I would still call the Korean Consulate for confirmation about my citizenship status with Korea. Unfortunately, my assumption that I was in the clear was wrong. In July 2022, the consulate informed me that I was still considered a dual citizen and that the process of renunciation would take at least a year, if not a year and a half. Explaining that I would need it to be completed sooner if I was accepted into the Fulbright program, the lady I spoke with told me, “Sorry, but I don’t think you can do this program” because my renunciation would not be processed in time for when Fulbright would need it. After that phone call, I felt very defeated. Up until that point, I had prayed throughout the application process and had worked tirelessly on the application components, but this news made me question whether there was even a point in continuing if I wouldn’t even be qualified, all because of something that was beyond my control. Had I been born just a few months later, or had my father become a U.S. citizen just a few months earlier, I would not have been considered a dual citizen. I felt frustrated over what I saw as an extremely arbitrary law - how could I be a citizen of a country I had never even been to? Should I give up on my application and maybe try to apply again the following year? Not knowing whether I would even get into Fulbright, I also wondered if there was even any point to filing for renunciation if I didn’t get into the program. I ultimately decided to go through with the process of renunciation, choosing to trust God with whatever the timing of this process would look like and with whatever the outcome would be. I sensed a challenge from God to take a step of faith here and to praise Him, whether He opened the door or closed the door from here.

How I imagine the consulate lady looked when she told me I wouldn't be able to do Fulbright over the phone

To begin the process of renunciation, I first had to file my birth with Korea (called a 출생신고), which took about a month to process. This put me on the family register in Korea, albeit temporarily since I then filed for renunciation (called a 국적이탈신고) - this is the process that I was told would generally take about a year to a year and a half to process. By the grace of God, I was able to connect with another Korean American who was about to start her Fulbright grant in Korea (she applied the year before me) who had also been in a similar situation of having to renounce her Korean citizenship. She was able to expedite her renunciation process by reaching out to the Korean Ministry of Justice (MOJ) directly, so when I filed for renunciation, I had asked my dad to reach out to the MOJ - huge shout out to my dad, by the way, as I wouldn’t have been able to navigate all of this back and forth with the Korean government without him. Thankfully, my dad heard back from someone at the MOJ who was willing to expedite the process for us, so I officially got my renunciation documentation in July 2023, just a few months after filing for renunciation! This was about a year after that initial phone call with the consulate in which I was told I wouldn’t be able to do the program. The Lord completely resolved this obstacle, creating a way for me to physically go to Korea without any issues regarding my citizenship status or procuring a visa. All praise and glory to God for having His hand upon this entire, year-long process and for challenging me into a deeper trust in Him with His timing and provision!

Obstacle 2: A Health Scare

This obstacle feels a bit more personal and vulnerable for me to share, but I feel led to share it because it’s another big means through which God has confirmed to me His blessing for me to go to Korea next year. It started in February 2023, when I went for my annual physical exam and my doctor felt a lump in both of my breasts. She encouraged me to get an ultrasound done just to cover my bases, which I did in March. I honestly wasn’t too worried going into the ultrasound, because I figured the technicians and doctor would be able to determine that the lumps were benign on the spot and then that would be all. Instead, upon completing the ultrasound, the doctor informed me that they could not determine what the masses were and that I would need to get a biopsy done. For context, I had found out on January 25 that I made it as a semi-finalist for the Fulbright grant, and then I found out just a few weeks after the ultrasound (on March 28) that I was accepted as a finalist for the grant. So when I was told that I would need to get a biopsy done to determine whether these masses were cancer, I had Fulbright in the back of my mind and started to worry that this could be an issue.

For a brief moment, I debated whether to keep this situation to myself, as the idea of sharing about this with others felt really scary and vulnerable. However, God challenged me pretty early on, showing me that this was an opportunity to invite community into something I was going through. My church small group was essentially the first group of people I told outside of my family, within a week after I got the ultrasound. After that, I slowly told a few other close brothers and sisters in Christ leading up to my biopsy, which I ended up having on May 16. The week leading up to the biopsy was particularly difficult. I remember feeling really scared, especially after talking with my mom and sister about it, and I broke down in tears because I didn’t know what the outcome would be. I worried that if it was indeed cancer, then I wouldn’t be able to do Fulbright, especially since I would need to pass a medical clearance in order to do the grant.

The night before my biopsy, I was reading the book of Psalms in the Bible and was comforted by Psalm 65, in which there is a verse that says:

“You visit the earth and water it; you greatly enrich it; the river of God is full of water; you provide their grain, for so you have prepared it” (Psalm 65:9).

God reminded me that He takes care of what He has made - that includes the earth but that also includes me. God was taking good care of me, and His care and love for me were abundant. I knew that God didn’t guarantee a particular outcome with my biopsy, just that I could trust Him in what He was doing. I went into the biopsy with gratitude, not just for His care but also that if this were to happen at any point in my life, it was at this time, a season in which I had a solid community alongside me - it would have looked so different going through this even just a year prior, when I was still looking for a church community. I was also grateful that the Lord allowed me to address this issue early enough that it could get resolved before going to Korea. Even in the weeks following the biopsy, God kept reminding me of His abundance, as He comforted me with another verse in Psalms on June 3:

“Rain in abundance, O God, you shed abroad; you restored your inheritance as it languished” (Psalm 68:9).

The day before that, I had come across a post on Instagram that said “When we’re faithful to plant the seed, He is faithful to send the rain.”

This is the Instagram post I screenshotted on June 2!

The biopsy results were mostly positive - both of the masses were benign (no cancer!), but my doctor recommended surgical excision for the mass on my left side, as she saw that it could become problematic in the future. I ended up having surgery to remove the left mass on August 10. Upon waking up from my surgery in the recovery room, I overheard my parents saying that it was raining outside, and the nurse who assisted me to my car to go home mentioned the same. When I got outside, it was pouring, and when I saw this, my first thought was that God was faithful to send the rain in abundance. I was reminded of how He had spoken to me around the time of the biopsy - just as God was faithful to send the rain to take care of the earth, He was faithful to take care of me. Seeing the downpour of the rain during that drive home reminded me of God’s abundance of love and provision, how He was able to bring the rain in abundance where there had been drought and discouragement. It felt like a full circle moment, after how God had spoken to me on His abundance during the biopsy. It rained my entire drive home, even as I got out of the car to go inside, but once I actually went inside my house it stopped raining. I remember I had looked out my backyard window shortly after arriving home and saw that the rain had stopped completely, and it didn’t return for the rest of the day. The Lord was showing me that He was with me, that He had been with me throughout this entire journey. I wrote in my journal later that night,

“...thank You Lord for the testimony You have been building in my life through this. I pray for wisdom to navigate the journey ahead (however much longer this particular journey is) in a way that glorifies and honors You, as well as wisdom to perceive and receive how You are refining me through this. Lord would you even allow my testimony to be a blessing and encouragement to others I may encounter in the future - use this all for Your glory, Lord.”

Me in my hospital gear right before undergoing surgery!

Me when God reminded me of His abundance and faithfulness through the rain

Just a few days ago (November 21), I had a follow-up ultrasound for the mass on my right side - even though the biopsy had identified it as a benign fibroadenoma, I was recommended to get another ultrasound for monitoring. To be honest, I didn’t really think too much about this appointment (I had almost forgotten about it), since months had passed since my surgery. I hadn’t really prayed about the ultrasound until I started driving to my appointment. It took me a few minutes to realize that it was RAINING - it had started raining literally as soon as I left my house for the ultrasound, but this didn’t register until I had started praying in the car. So here God was, reminding me once again of His abundance, provision, and generosity. This was an encouragement that the Holy Spirit is still very much moving in this health journey! Thankfully, this ultrasound went well - the technician noted that the mass has not grown since the initial ultrasound I had in March, meaning that it has been stable. Before writing about this in my journal, I had listened to and sang “Don’t You Give Up On Me” by Brandon Lake, a beautiful song that is written from God's perspective to us. As I neared the end of the song, I realized that this song spoke to me about my health testimony. Some of the lyrics go, “I’ve got more dreams, I've got more plans, I've got more blessings,” which reminded me that God is not done with me. He was never going to let this health scare get in the way of His dreams, plans, and blessings for me. As the song goes, “there is so much more” - so much more to look forward to in this life He has given me, so much more of His love to experience and to bless others with.

This health scare was indeed scary, but I also want to give a shout-out to my family, friends, and church community - I am very grateful for the support, check-ins, and to have been covered in prayer by many! Shout out to Irene K. for praying for me over the phone the night before my biopsy, to Eileen C. for praying for me over FaceTime the night before my surgery (and dropping off a care package in front of my house afterwards), to Gloria P. for having her church prayer team pray for me, and to many others - you know who you are. :)

When I look back and reflect on these obstacles, I can see how the Lord was clearly moving in them and how they were always within His control. As someone who likes to be in control and on top of things (9w1 right here), I think that the Lord has been teaching me to surrender what I cannot control to Him. The Lord has graciously worked through these obstacles, and I take these as gentle confirmations that He is inviting me to go to Korea next year. If you’ve made it to the end of this blog post, thank you (I know this was a long one), and I hope that this was able to bless you in some way. I also hope that it encourages you to think about the testimonies God has given YOU in your life and that you would be faithful to share these testimonies, as they are such powerful ways in which we can bear witness about Him. If I were to share any prayer request from this post, it’s that I would recognize the testimonies God builds in my life while I am in Korea next year and that I would be faithful to bear witness about Him by sharing these testimonies.

Thank you all and God bless!

Jen

P.S. I wanted to share two songs that have blessed me! The first is “There Is A Cloud” by Elevation Worship, which my friend Anna M. shared with me after my surgery. I love listening to it because the lyrics remind me of the testimony God has given me with the rain! The second is “Don’t You Give Up On Me” by Brandon Lake, which I see as a love letter from God to us.